Modeling Emotional Behaviour

In these hectic data driven crazy times, it’s easy to be thrown off course.  Instead of remembering to remember who we are, we forget to remember who we are!

We get rushed.  We get anxious about results and time tables.  We get edgy.  We lose sight of why we are doing what we do.  And we often take our stress out on others.

For me, the question I always want to look at is:

Do my emotions have control of me? Or do I have control of my emotions?

When my emotions have me, I become one big reaction and I lose the human connection.

The result is that I fail to connect with my students or the people I am working with because I am no longer in present time!

When I start to observe my emotions I can begin to own them. I then take back my sense of being in control of myself. Then I can take a breath and reconnect to my heart and to the heart of those I’m with.

So for me, the domains of EQ and SQ are related through the doorway of my heart.

When I’m in control of my emotions, my heart and head work in harmony.  It is then that I can be present to my students and the people I am with at the time.

It’s a four step process:

  1. Notice the feelings in your shoulders, throat and chest. If you feel tension in those areas or your heart starts racing or your mouth drying up, your emotions have you!
  2. Once you notice the feelings, take a deep breath and detach or disconnect for a moment.
  3. Ask yourself if this will really matter 20 years from now.  If the answer is “no”, let it go!
  4. Then let go of the tension in your shoulders, release the emotion and reconnect to the situation (or the person) with your heart.

This is true freedom. We can watch our emotions as they float by and not get stuck in them.

When we can fully manage our emotions, everything in the environment shifts.

It’s called ‘being in flow’.  It takes practice, but every day provides a new opportunity for us to improve.

Who knows, it may be the greatest gift we can give to our families, friends and students – the gift of modeling appropriate behaviors so they can learn from who we are and how we handle ourselves!

And a great big thank you to Betsy Bowen for the pictures! Betsy took my Leadership Academy many years ago and became the resident artist on the team at that time!

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