How Can We Turn Our Back?
I was more than deeply disturbed at the story that surfaced months ago about Phoebe Prince, 15, who committed suicide in January due to bullying of epic proportions. Maybe heartbroken, stomach wrenching, sad, horrified that anything could come to this… maybe these feelings more closely approximate my reactions. Yet even these words belie the feelings in my heart of hearts.
I agonize for the parents. I agonize for the child who left our world in torment, thinking there was no other way out. I agonize for those that didn’t hear or respond to the cries of a child’s desperate need. I agonize for the schools who have these issues and the teachers and principals who face these issues daily. And I agonize for a system that has gone awry.
I feel as if I’ve been a voice in the wilderness calling for emotional and social literacy reform in the schools forever. But this blog is not about me. It’s about an issue so deep that It has become systemic. And maybe its deeper than that. Maybe it is about the health or lack of health of our humanity at its very core.
How many more children will be sacrificed? What does it take for all of us to wake up? Please follow this story and see if you can stand aside.
Every child is our child.
I am so sorry we lost this one.
Teachers please read this article, and parents too if you think your child might be being bullied
I am not the only voice calling for reform, this article also calls for action, but I want the reform to be deeper then policies and procedures.
Human beings are emotional social beings. If they are not getting emotional and social education, then we need to provide it. Let’s get to the heart of the matter that is ailing our children and then support this work with viable policies and procedures.
@David First things first. Don’t put up with it.
1st line of defense: talk to the teacher.
2nd line of defense: go directly to the principal.
At the same time: go to your parents.
Then use humor – Make a joke of it.
Look straight ahead and keep walking.
Surround yourself with friends. Don’t walk in halls alone.
Then we can talk about mental tools.
In another organizational case that I was called into, the woman who had been bullied said that the methods were so sophisticated and covert that the behaviors and words were never done in front of any of her coworkers.
She had been pushed to the brink of a psychological breakdown and had been receiving workers comp for taking time off for depression when I was called in. Thank heaven she was an adult who the adult thinking capacity to work through it. She eventually got the perpetrator fired.
Children don’t have the resiliency skills that adults do. We have to be their voice and champion their cause or they have no voice. Phoebe had no voice. Let us be the voice for thousands of others who are suffering in silence out there right now.
David, I think you’re right.
Just had cocktails with a lady friend who was pushed out of her job by a bullying manager. She said the bullying was insidious and covert yet so damaging as to make her wonder about her own self-worth. This is an educated woman with a tremendous background in HR, but none of that training could save her.
The higher ups stood with the manager and all her coworkers who knew the truth turned their backs for fear of losing their jobs.
A redefinition IS in order.
Love Trinidad
@Trin,
So this raises the biggest question that I have been thinking about for a very long time now. I am pretty sure 15 year olds would have similar questions.
“If I know I am being bullied, you know that I am being bullied, no-one is doing anything about it. What mental tools can you give me to build my arsenal to defend myself from the bullies?”
Ignorance is the source of most human issues … like bullying.
Ignorance in not fully understanding the depth to which one human can and does hurt another.
Ignorance in not grasping the full consequence and impact of one’s actions that will last a life time and then some.
A bullied child will take that action with them for the rest of their lives and will either internalize it or, unfortunately, bully others. The sad thing about it is that bullying is not only a child-on-child situation. Many adults don’t realize that they bully their children (and other adults) into feelings of no self worth or esteem. Tragically, these children will be dysfunctional adults as they grow and the cycle of life will continue. Unless and until people like Trin educate adults and children alike to stop this destructive behavior, children and adults will continue to feel helpless and find other ways out of their existence here on Earth.
Phoebe could have and should have been saved.
@L I wonder how many adults link the actions you talk about above with the term “bullying”. I am pretty sure many parents, employers and work-colleagues wouldn’t think of their actions as bullying.
Maybe it’s time to redefine the term bullying for the wider community
David
Dear L,
You have stated the case very clearly.
Ignorance is perpetuated generation after generation.
We need a two-fold program in our schools which is what I do when working with a school: intervention AND prevention.
We have to intervene on the existing issues and lay the groundwork for long term change through prevention programs.
Trinidad